Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Defeating Fear

Thursday, November 1st, 2018

by Susan Stanton
October 30, 2018

We are facing a crisis of fear in the world, playing out in many ways on many platforms. And trying to keep fear at bay in the current environment is challenging as we are subjected on a daily basis to horrific reports of violence, destruction and hatred along with an accompanying onslaught of images, sounds and threats—and outright encouragement– of anger and hostility. All this is in part designed to create and sustain fear in order to further the assorted goals of the fear mongers. Exaggeration and distraction are important tactics used by those who wish to advance their own agendas, and are employed manipulatively and without compunction. It is not unreasonable to worry that our most valuable resources and revered institutions are at risk as civil discourse struggles to survive. In short, fear has been weaponized.

Things can seem quite grim. But don’t be disheartened. We have a not-so-secret power of our own, and we need to access it and appreciate its influence and hold it and sustain it and share it.

The antidote to fear is love.

………………………….

As Martin Luther King said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”

Fear cannot defeat fear. But love can defeat fear.

6 lessons in happiness from one of the happiest nations in the world

Friday, April 13th, 2018

Natalie Matushenko writes:

I share what I have learned about being happy over the past six years in the hope that it will help others reflect on the changes we can all make to be happier in our lives.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Read more

Do You Want To Raise A Kind Child? Here’s How

Monday, April 2nd, 2018

We as parents know from experience that in the big picture of life, kindness and happiness are closely linked. Kids, however, do not have the life experience to see this big picture. In their life with friends or at school, retaliating against the kid who teased them often seems like the better choice. The more we can explain and model the inherent benefits of kindness to both others and themselves, the more this dynamic will be clear to them.

This is another area where research is our friend. Numerous studies have shown that even among middle schoolers, those who practice kindness are more popular, happier and less likely to be bullied.

More.

A real struggle for the soul of America is going on. I hope that we can remember to value the qualities that have truly made us great, a country that others look up to because we value truth and justice. Rearing kids to have good values, to be kind, and emphasizing it in our own lives, is crucial. Without human decency the country rips apart into a Mad Mac world. That is not the America that most of us signed up for. TRW

The Real Causes Of Depression Have Been Discovered, And They’re Not What You Think

Monday, March 12th, 2018

Johann Hari, author most recently of Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions, writes:

The more I investigated depression and anxiety, the more I found that, far from being caused by a spontaneously malfunctioning brain, depression and anxiety are mostly being caused by events in our lives. If you find your work meaningless and you feel you have no control over it, you are far more likely to become depressed. If you are lonely and feel that you can’t rely on the people around you to support you, you are far more likely to become depressed. If you think life is all about buying things and climbing up the ladder, you are far more likely to become depressed. If you think your future will be insecure, you are far more likely to become depressed. I started to find a whole blast of scientific evidence that depression and anxiety are not caused in our skulls, but by the way many of us are being made to live. There are real biological factors, like your genes, that can make you significantly more sensitive to these causes, but they are not the primary drivers.

And that led me to the scientific evidence that we have to try to solve our depression and anxiety crises in a very different way (alongside chemical anti-depressants, which should of course remain on the table).

To do that, we need to stop seeing depression and anxiety as an irrational pathology, or a weird misfiring of brain chemicals. They are terribly painful – but they make sense. Your pain is not an irrational spasm. It is a response to what is happening to you. To deal with depression, you need to deal with its underlying causes. On my long journey, I learned about seven different kinds of anti-depressants – ones that are about stripping out the causes, rather than blunting the symptoms. Releasing your shame is only the start.

More.

Lucid dreaming and dream yoga for healing

Monday, January 29th, 2018

We’re accustomed to deepening our personal growth journeys during our “waking hours”…

Yet, what if your dreamtime could become a type of night school — a spiritual laboratory where you could raise your consciousness, heal from your past, and even practice learning new skills?

Lucid dreaming is being “awake” and aware that you’re dreaming when you’re asleep… a time where your conscious mind meets your unconscious mind.

Lucid dreaming also leads to lucid living. As you become more conscious during your nighttime, you begin to shift your awareness during your waking life.

Through a centuries-old Tibetan Buddhism form of lucid dreaming, you can move beyond passively participating in your dreams, into deeper states of active transformation.

This powerful, ancient practice, Dream Yoga, is the next level of lucid dreaming, according to author, Dream Yoga expert, and spiritual teacher Andrew Holecek.

Dream Yoga stretches you, turning your nighttime into a time for your most dedicated spiritual practice…

Practicing Dream Yoga opens the door to deep healing allowing you to work directly with your Soul to receive the exact knowledge you need — and in every area of your life from your health to relationships, even your work in the world.

During this rich 8-minute video, Andrew unpacks Dream Yoga and how a nocturnal spiritual practice can help you heal your body, release limiting beliefs and patterns, liberate your creativity, and more.

More.

10 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Relationship

Friday, January 19th, 2018

Our relationship with our significant other is what motivates us to get up each day, go to work and come back home at the end of the day. And yet, our relationship often is what we ignore; we allow other, less important parts of our life, to come to the forefront and push the relationship to the back burner. Here are ten things you can do right now to help make your relationship stronger and more satisfying.

More.

MY TIMELY NOVEL (CREATIVE NONFICTION), READING THE SIGNS: A PARANORMAL LOVE STORY

Sunday, January 14th, 2018

MY NOVEL–
READING THE SIGNS: A PARANORMAL LOVE STORY

Ted Jones, campus chaplain and English Professor in downtown Denver, doesn’t need more problems. His life has been full of them. More than a few of the clergy seem to think of the church as a sex club, and those who administer the English Department are vipers. Yet, at the beseeching of the spirit of an old woman who appears floating near the stained glass window of St. Elizabeth’s Catholic Church, Ted soon becomes involved with Sharon, the deceased woman’s grown granddaughter.

Damaged though she is, Sharon responds, trying to return the steadfast love that Ted offers. After her grandmother died, she lost that capacity in herself and couldn’t find it in any of the people who professed to love her.

Although Sharon and Ted’s trials are multiple, their love forms the crux of the novel. Such love reaches beyond time and space as we normally conceive them, to involve intersecting planes of existence that touch both past and future.

*******
While fiction, and centrally a love story, it is essentially true. My experiences teaching at CU Denver and the Episcopal Cathedral stick very close to the facts. In light of the current #MeToo movement it is most timely.

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The novel ends with a vision of meeting Sharon on the fields of eternity:

For a moment, my earthly sight blurred with tears, I glimpsed Sharon and me. We stood on fields of gold, there, where chronos meets kairos, and earthly time rolls into eternity.

Link to Amazon Reading the Signs page. Here you can examine the cover and read some pages of the book.

Signed copies are also available from me. See WRITING page of this site.

The opportunity to fail–the best gift we can give our children

Tuesday, January 9th, 2018

Mo Issa writes:

My parents gave me love, and lots of it, but often faltered in giving me direction. However, the best gift they gave me was the opportunity to fail, and then learn from those failures.

That opportunity not only made me stronger, but also instilled in me a sense of responsibility and independence that has helped me in every aspect of my life.

I look at today’s generation and sense a mood of entitlement. They expect things to be done for them. They shun responsibility and avoid making decisions.

After reading Jessica Lahey’s bestselling book, The Gift of Failure, and with much reflection on my own parenting over the years, I wish I could get my kids back for another four years (yes, I miss them that much!) so that I could change my ways.

I was trying my best as a parent and thought I was a great father. On reflection, however, many factors affected my parenting, not least of which was ego and and a pull to acquiesce to society’s norms.

Do we want our kids to get the top grades, get onto the varsity soccer team, and be around the most popular people because of us—or them? How do we define what is “best” for them, anyway? Is it not based on our criteria and values, rather than theirs?

When we impose our likes, dislikes, and values on our kids, we rob them of their individuality and their own experiences. As Lahey says, “When parents try to engineer failure out of kids’ lives, the kids feel incompetent, incapable, unworthy of trust and utterly dependent.” They are, she argues, unprepared when, “failures that happen out there, in the real world, carry far higher stakes.”

I love the title of her book—The Gift of Failure—because learning how to navigate failure really is the greatest gift that we can bequeath our children. Especially when we also give them our undivided love and complete support.

Through failure, they will learn life-long lessons they could never learn otherwise.

More.

Surviving the holidays after we’ve broken up with our mothers.

Sunday, December 24th, 2017

This article is by Justin Haley Phillips and centers on a woman’s view, but I know from personal experience that men sometimes have to break up with their mothers too. If a parent is so toxic that you can no longer have contact, then you must distance yourself, female or male.
–Thomas Ramey Watson

Phillips writes:

If someone hasn’t experienced a toxic relationship with a parent, their first thought is generally, “But she’s your mother!”

As though giving birth renders a woman infallible…
As though “a mother’s love” is guaranteed selfless and pristine…
As though we should sacrifice our mental and emotional (and perhaps physical) health on the altar of the doting daughter…

Mothers are people, too, and while I love mine dearly, there simply came a time when I needed to set myself apart from her in order to grow.

It was not an easy decision to make.

More.

How To ‘Break Up’ With A Narcissistic Parent

Thursday, December 14th, 2017

“Realizing and accepting that you have one or more narcissistic parents is a long and intensely painful road,” Julie L. Hall told HuffPost. “That’s because children, even adult children, continue to desire love and approval, often against all reason.”

Ultimately, asserting low or no contact with a narcissist parent can be a healthy, liberating choice.

“Creating distance with your parent means giving up the delusion that they will someday change and releasing the feeling of responsibility for them they may have instilled in you,” Hall said.

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Thomas Ramey Watson is an affiliate faculty member of Regis University's College of Professional Studies. He has served as an Episcopal chaplain (lay), trained as a psychotherapist, done postdoctoral work at Cambridge University, and was named a Research Fellow at Yale University.

In addition to his scholarly writings, he is a published author of poetry and fiction.

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