Posts Tagged ‘sex’

9 Things Marriage Therapists Know Almost Instantly About A Couple

Tuesday, February 7th, 2017

A marriage therapist ― even one who’s worked in the field for years ― can’t know a couple’s full story by the first therapy session. They can tell quite a bit, though. (A spouse’s tendency to avoid eye contact, for instance, reveals more than words could ever say.)

Below, marriage therapists who have been working with couples for years share nine things they can glean about a couple after the first therapy session.

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What Sex Therapists Tell People Whose Partners Don’t Want Sex

Monday, January 23rd, 2017

Being in a relationship with someone who’s disinterested in sex can feel incredibly lonely. A discrepancy in desire is more common than most people realize, though.

What’s the best way to address it with your spouse? Below, sex therapists share the advice they give people with higher sex drives than their partners.

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Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater? Marriage Therapists Weigh In

Saturday, October 15th, 2016

Given how many of us are affected by infidelity ― twenty-one percent of married men and around 15 percent of married women have cheated on their spouses, according to the General Social Survey at the University of Chicago― it’s worth exploring our beliefs about cheaters and their capacity for change. Does “once a cheater, always a cheater” always ring true?

Below, psychologists and therapists who work with couples share their thoughts on whether or not an unfaithful spouse can change their ways.

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The 7 Most Ignored Relationship Issues, According To Marriage Therapists

Tuesday, August 30th, 2016

Couples often come into therapy complaining of communication problems, meddling in-laws, sex and money issues ― but those are just the most obvious problems counselors hear about.

Below, marriage therapists share seven of the most overlooked reasons couples come to therapy and how to avoid each in your own relationship.

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Nice Guys Don’t Actually Finish Last, According To New Study

Thursday, February 25th, 2016

If you’re smart you’ll commit to a relationship with a nice guy.

A new study finds that men who are concerned for the well-being of others in place of themselves may have a better shot with women compared to men who are just good-looking.

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ANNOUNCEMENT OF MY NEW NOVEL

Thursday, August 27th, 2015

MY NOVEL–
READING THE SIGNS: A PARANORMAL LOVE STORY

Ted Jones, campus chaplain and English Professor in downtown Denver, doesn’t need more problems. His life has been full of them. More than a few of the clergy seem to think of the church as a sex club, and those who administer the English Department are vipers. Yet, at the beseeching of the spirit of an old woman who appears floating near the stained glass window of St. Elizabeth’s Catholic Church, Ted soon becomes involved with Sharon, the deceased woman’s grown granddaughter.

Damaged though she is, Sharon responds, trying to return the steadfast love that Ted offers. After her grandmother died, she lost that capacity in herself and couldn’t find it in any of the people who professed to love her.

Although Sharon and Ted’s trials are multiple, their love forms the crux of the novel. Such love reaches beyond time and space as we normally conceive them, to involve intersecting planes of existence that touch both past and future.

*******
While fiction, and centrally a love story, it is essentially true. My experiences teaching at CU Denver and the Episcopal Cathedral stick very close to the facts.

*******

The novel ends with a vision of meeting Sharon on the fields of eternity:

For a moment, my earthly sight blurred with tears, I glimpsed Sharon and me. We stood on fields of gold, there, where chronos meets kairos, and earthly time rolls into eternity.

Link to Amazon Reading the Signs page. Here you can examine the cover and read some pages of the book.

Signed copies are also available from me. See WRITING page of this site.

Here’s Why Cats Keep Rubbing Against Our Legs (And Why Catnip Makes Them Go Crazy)

Tuesday, November 25th, 2014

Ever wondered why your cat keeps rubbing against your leg? Or why kitty goes crazy over catnip? Well, you’re in luck.

A new YouTube video (above) from the American Chemical Society uses chemistry to answer these and other questions about familiar feline phenomena.

Watch.

It’s De-Lovely and marriage

Saturday, November 1st, 2014

I recently watched the film De-Lovely, a 2004 musical biopic of Cole Porter, from his first meeting with Linda Lee Thomas until his death. The Cole Porter songs throughout are a delight in themselves, and, because of the story, the ambiguity of many of the lyrics becomes clearer.

What I found most fascinating, from a counseling/coaching angle, is the lifelong love story between Thomas and Porter. By believing in him and accepting him for what he was, including his need to have sexual relations with males, she gave him himself and made him believe in himself and his talent. Creative people are a special breed with a deep need to explore various realms to foster nourish creativity. And Porter had heaps of that.

Because they had no secrets, Porter’s love for Thomas deepened and grew over time. Evidently her love for him was without strings and enduring from the start. He found that hard to believe, but she constantly proved it. (Of course she didn’t like everything he did and worried about his getting into a big scandal that would hurt both of them. But they weathered the storms and love lasted till the end.)

The importance of being open—and being able to have no secrets—with your spouse is essential. Not everyone can do that, and certainly depending upon the people involved, some aspects of character would rule out even trying. But people vary. What should destroy some relationships strengthens and deepens others and gives them themselves in much more profound ways that most might imagine.

While some people were not terribly enthusiastic about the film, Roger Ebert, I believe, grasped its significance. Read his review.

Why Heterosexuality Didn’t Really Exist Until the 19th Century

Monday, July 21st, 2014

[Hanne] Blank mentions her personal story at the beginning of her provocative new history of heterosexuality, “Straight,” as a way of illustrating just how artificial our notions of “straightness” really are. In her book, Blank, a writer and historian who has written extensively about sexuality and culture, looks at the ways in which social trends and the rise of psychiatry conspired to create this new category in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Along the way, she examines the changing definition of marriage, which evolved from a businesslike agreement into a romantic union centered on love, and how social Darwinist ideas shaped the divisions between gay and straight. With her eye-opening book, Blank tactfully deconstructs a facet of modern sexuality most of us take for granted.

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From basic biology to early childhood attachment, the roots of eroticism are complex

Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

Unless you want children – which can also be mechanical – a person can live without meaningful or loving sex. But, who wants to? While there have been many theorists working in the field, such as Masters and Johnson, Helen Singer Kaplan, John Bancroft and John Gottman, the core of erotic intimacy comes down to combining trust with experience and excitement. It’s about knowing yourself (and your partner), truly accepting, feeling safe, and then letting go – like a child at play.

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Thomas Ramey Watson is an affiliate faculty member of Regis University's College of Professional Studies. He has served as an Episcopal chaplain (lay), trained as a psychotherapist, done postdoctoral work at Cambridge University, and was named a Research Fellow at Yale University.

In addition to his scholarly writings, he is a published author of poetry and fiction.

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